I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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