if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
