My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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