i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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