He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
