ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he thought i was a dude.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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