Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize