based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize