I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
