I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize