New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize