I hate all girls vehemently.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
