he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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