he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
