His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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