Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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