do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
