stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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