Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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