Pants 0. Shit 1.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We're too hungover to prance.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
