how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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