god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
