I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
