LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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