Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
