i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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