Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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