I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
