Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He felt like a one man threesome
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
