Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
