Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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