i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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