Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
