He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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