fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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