Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
