Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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