Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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