Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
