jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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