Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
