I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
