john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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