my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
