Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
