I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
