Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
