it's too hot outside to masturbate.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize