Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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