You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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