Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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