my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
