she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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