I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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