I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
