I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
