I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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