Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
