I think i sorta joined a cult last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
