Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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