Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
