I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
