the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
