My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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