oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize