We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
